passion week: saturday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[saturday]

i was confused. scared. but most of all, angry with myself. i had failed Him... again. i sat in the corner of the room replaying the past day in my head. He had told me clearly that i was going to deny Him three times, but i couldn't believe it was actually going to happen. i had promised Him and myself that i was going to stay by His side. i was going to fight till the end. i was going to be willing to die for Him. but when push came to shove, i backed down. i ran. i hid. i was embarassed. i had failed Him. would i ever get a second chance?

…

I saw them run. I saw them hide... they were demoralized right now. they were confused. they couldn't understand what was going on, but tomorrow, things will change. the big picture will be revealed. then, they will see the glorious plan. they just needed to wait a little longer. a little patience... as hard as it is, they would need to wait... tomorrow, everything will change... tomorrow.

and yes peter, you will get a second chance.

passion week: friday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[friday]

torn. emotions ripped through me. anxious. nervous. scared. sadden. yet, calm. prepared. confident. joyful. today was it. today was going to be the craziest day of my life. thirty-three years here on earth was all leading up to this one day. today was the day. i knew it was going to happen eventually, but now that it was finally here, my emotions were playing tricks on me. but the will of God was going to be done. i knew my purpose. i knew what was going to happen. i knew this had to happen. and i had prepared myself. i was ready. ready to finish this race.

the night before, i had spent hours on my knees praying, talking, with God. i asked Him if He was willing to take this cup from me; yet not my will, but His will be done. i knew the answer already, but i asked anyway. and knowing the answer i asked for strength. i asked for peace. and He comforted me. He gave me strength. He gave me peace. and we talked. we talked for a long time. just me and Him.

the world around me faded away.

ok. it is time. i took one more big breath and stood, wiping the dirt from my cloak. i glanced to my right. peter, james, and john lay curled in a ball, asleep. i understood them. they were tired. it had been a long day. but, i was still slightly disappointed. i woke them with a gentle nudge. we went back to the rest of the disciples, all whom were asleep as well. "are you all still sleeping and resting? look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. rise, let us go! here comes my betrayer!"

they were still groggy from being waken up so suddenly when judas arrived with a large crowd, armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. judas slowly walked towards me, avoiding eye-contact. "greetings rabbi." he trembled when he kissed my cheek. i turned and looked at him, but he looked away. "friend, do what you came for." at that moment the men stepped forward and threw me to the ground. my shoulder hit the ground. dirt kicked up into my face. peter exploded, pulling a knife from his cloak and swung at one of the men, malchus. he cut the man's ear off. i think he was going for his face. i stood and rebuked peter. "one day he will learn," i thought to myself. healing malchus we left the mountainside.

the rest of the day was long. very long. they dragged me from place to place trying to convict me of a crime i didn't do. they told lies. they had false witnesses. they twisted my words. they tried, but kept failing. so we kept going around and around. finally we came before pilate, the governor. again, he knew i was innocent, but by now the chief priest had gathered a crowd to support them. and the power of the mob slowly swayed him. the chief priest and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for barabbas, a notorious prisoner, to be released in return for me. i heard them shout. i heard my sentence. they wanted blood. they wanted crucifixion.

i gritted my teeth as the first lash came across my back. pain. ripped flesh. they waited to strike me again as to tease me. i cried out as the next lash came. and the next. and the next. my body went numb. blood splattered across my face. they mocked me. spat on me. called me names. flogged me some more. i threw up. they picked me up, just to throw me down again. i don't know how long they beat me for. it felt like eternity. they dragged me across the burning sand. but i was cold. a crown of thorns was placed on my head. they rammed it into my skull. blood streamed down my face. the soilders laughed.

forcing me to carry my own cross, i stumbled my way up the road to golgotha. the crowd jeered and continued to hurl insults. some hurled stones. i saw some weep. but most of the town was filled with hate. spite. anger. the same faces that once yelled "hosanna" now cursed me. more insults. more stones. the heavy beam buried into my shoulder. the wood aggravating my open wounds. my legs were heavy. my arms weak. slipping on loose rock, i stumbled forward. gravity pulled me towards the earth. umph. i hit the ground hard. i was tired. i didn't want to get up. a solider whipped me, but i couldn't move. he whipped me again. then, the beam was lifted from my shoulders. simon, from cyrene, was forced to carry this cross for me. we kept going. step. step. step.

the flogging. the cursing. the humiliation. the painful journey to golgotha was nothing compared to what i had to experience next. i felt my arms stretched out. they kept pulling. i don't think they could stretch it much farther. *pop* i think my arm was dislocated from my shoulder. i gritted my teeth. turning my head i saw the inevitable. spikes. the first was driven into my wrists. pain like you could never image ran through my body. *clang* hammer hitting nail. *clang* i tried to scream, but i couldn't. *clang*

they resurrected the cross. i couldn't breath. i was thirsty. they mocked me. two other men were hanging on crosses beside me. one recognized who i was. the other didn't. he who had faith would be saved. the soliders mocked me some more. i forgave them. they did not know. one of the men beside me spoke out. but i couldn't hear him. the pain was too much. i gasped for air. and then it happened. i felt the weight of the sin on my shoulders. the heaviness. the darkness. the disgusting horrible stench of the sin of mankind wrapped around me. i looked to heaven. i called out to God. but He turned His face from me. He could not bear to see the sin. and for that brief moment in time i was alone. i went through more pain than anything the soliders did to me that day. when i was separated from the presence of God, i wept... tears mixed with the blood and flowed down my face... i cried out and took my last breath. "Father, into Your hands i commit my spirit."

it is done

more playoff thoughts

after each series has played 2 games, we can still say that this has been one of the best 1 round playoffs in recent years. a lot of close games = a lot of drama = a lot of fun (for a basketball fan :D). here are some thoughts on the first round so far...

- derrick rose is still a beast. it's amazing how quickly he can get into the lane. but what happens if rose doesn't score 30+ points?
- dwight howard is still a beast. he's putting up huge numbers.
- no chauncey. no amar'e. no good for the knicks. melo put on a show in game 2, but lack of execution down the stretch cost them the game. guess my upset isn't going to pan out.
- boston still looks old. they barely beat a team of melo and 4 scrubs.
- same goes with mavs/blazers. blazers got shut down in the 4th of game 2. yes, they match up well against the mavs, but i guess it goes the other way too. heh.
- can kidd continue to shoot this well? can't call him "ason kidd (cuz he got no j)" anymore.
- miami showed up. now that was a clinic. if they can continue to play like that, watch out.
- yes the lakers won, but i still haven't been too impressed with them.
- cp3 still showing people that they shouldn't forget about him yet.
- manu back, spurs win. but it still looks like the grizz are gonna give them all they can handle.

and this is only the start of the 1st round!

passion week: thursday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[thursday evening]

talk about being blindsided. it happened so quick that i wasn't ready for it. one moment, Jesus and the rest of us disciples were reclining at the table about to partake of the passover meal when Jesus told us that one of us was going to betray Him! one of us?!? how could that be? this caused an immediate uproar. peter stood up right away, "who is this betrayer?!?" john sat there stunned, "it surely can't be one of us!" but Jesus replied that "it is one of the twelve." more arguing. more questioning. more confusion. i couldn't believe what i was hearing. i couldn't understand why anyone would want to betray Jesus. after seeing what He had done. hearing Him teach. just being with Him we knew that He was Lord.

in the midst of it all, i heard judas ask Jesus if it was he that would betray him. i didn't hear Jesus response as andrew slammed his fists on the table. however, i saw judas demeanor change, get up from the table and exit the room. it took us awhile to finally settle down and a couple more minutes for us to realize that judas was not actually coming back to join us. supper was quite tense as we ate. there wasn't much talk as Jesus didn't want to talk about his betrayer. halfway through eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to us, saying, "take it; this is My body." then He took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to us, and when we drank he said, "this is My blood of the covenant,which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father's kingdom." we ended dinner with our favorite hymn and went out to the mount of olives.

the cool air was refreshing and we quietly talked among ourselves as we walked. we knew that something big was going to happen. we could sense it. we didn't know what exactly was going to unfold before us, but it would be something big. when we arrived at the mount of olives we gathered around and Jesus shared a parable about a shepherd who will be stuck down and the sheep scattering from their master. after spending 3 years with Jesus, we got a good sense of what this parable meant and it struck to our hearts.

peter, being the bold one as usual, stood up and said "even if all fall away on account of You, i never will!"

but Jesus responded with something that we were shocked to hear. He said, "i tell you the truth, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."

i could tell that peter was hurt, but his pride wouldn't let him back down. "even if i have to die with You, i wil never disown You."

and we all agreed.

Jesus asked us to pray with Him, but it was late and we had a hard time staying awake. but He prayed. He prayed for a long time. He prayed hard. i wanted to pray like He did. i wanted to show Him how much faith i had. i believe we all wanted to stay up with Him. but it was late and we were tired. even the cool air couldn't keep us awake. it had been an emotional and eventful evening, but unknowingly to any of us, this was only the beginning of the longest day of our lives.

passion week: wednesday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[late tuesday night/early wednesday morning]

the cool wind whipped around me. i pulled my cloak tighter around my chest, trying to stay warm. the small pebbles crunched beneath my sandals as i made my way to his house. i didn't really know why i was going or what i was going to say, but i kept walking anyway. i quickly glanced over my shoulder making no one was following me. i didn't want to be caught doing what i was going to do. i finally arrived at the door and paused. what was i doing? i couldn't do this! i turned to walk away, but didn't move. it was now or never. i whipped back around and knocked on the door... silence... i knocked again... silence... maybe i should go. but then, the door opened a crack and he looked out, shocked to see me. he looked past me, obviously trying to find out if this was a trap or not. but, i was alone, and so he opened the door.

"what do you want, judas iscariot?" he asked.

"i have a plan that might interest you," i replied. "can we talk somewhere more private?"

"why don't you come back another time? it is quite late."

it was obvious he didn't trust me, so i blurted it out. "i have a way you can get rid of Jesus."

that woke him up. he took a step back and looked at me straight in the eyes. i couldn't bear it, so i looked away. "what do you mean you have a way?"

"well, for the right price, i may be able to lead you to Him. and when He and His disciples aren't ready, you can go and arrest Him. there will be no crowds to support him. just us."

"Him and His disciples? aren't you one of His disciples?"

"n-no. well, yes. but that's the point. no one would expect it." i was getting cold standing outside. "look, can we go somewhere more private to talk?"

he thought about it for a moment, then agreed. he grabbed a cloak and we headed out towards the temple.

he decided it would be best to bring in some more people into the discussion. i didn't like it, but he wouldn't budge without them being there, so we went and woke up two of his friends. both were quite angry at being waken up at such an odd hour, but both smiled when they heard what i had to offer them. in the shadows of the darkened temple, we talked and planned and of course came up with a price which they would have to pay me if i could get the job done. 30 pieces of silver didn't sound like much, but i couldn't get them to go any higher and by this time, i was tired and just wanted to go back. we agreed, shook hands and went our separate ways.

it seemed colder as i walked back to the place where Jesus and His disciples were staying at. what have i done? how did this happen? i thought back to when Jesus first called me to join Him. it was exciting. it was wonderful. but, things weren't going exactly as i thought it'd be. i thought we would be rulers of this kingdom. we would be powerful. we would be rich. but no, Jesus talked of humility and compassion and while He promised us that He would reign on high, i wasn't seeing it happen. yes, this decision to betray him was not a last minute thing, but something that was building for a long time. and it was the last event that was the straw that broke the camel's back. mary had wasted expensive perfume just to wash Jesus' feet! and He approved!!! what a waste. we could have made so much money from that perfume and give it to the poor... well, at least that's what i told Him. but He said something about His death. His death?!? i thought we were going to be rulers? now He's talking about dying? i wasn't ready to die. no, if He was going to go down, then i was going to make sure that i got something out of it.

i finally arrived at the house where we were staying at. how about if i get caught? the other disciples would kill me. especially peter, he was a hothead. couldn't trust him. maybe i should go spend the night somewhere else... no! i can't think like that. just push that thought aside. just play it cool. no one will know. and so i snuck back into the house. everyone was asleep now. i tip-toed back to my spot and was about to lay down when Jesus stirred from His spot. i froze as He rolled over and looked at me straight in the eyes. I quickly looked away and lay down. "He doesn't know anything," i kept saying to myself and forced myself to sleep. but His eyes, a mixture of sadness and compassion, was burned into my mind.

passion week: tuesday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[tuesday morning]

i paced back and forth fuming. how could He have said such things? how could He have claimed to be who He was? ever since He arrived a couple days ago, things were going south. i knew this time was coming, but i wasn't prepared for it. sure, this Jesus character had given us sadducees trouble in the past, but for the most part He would do His own things, and we would do our own things. the biggest thing i couldn't get over was the fact that He was superseding our authority. we were the teachers of the law. i had studied and restudied the old testament laws for so many years, and here He comes in, and turns everything upside down. He was claiming to be above the law! He was claiming to be the Son of God! He was claiming to be God!

no! no! no! we could not allow this to happen. yes, i was aware that the prophets of the old testament said that the messiah would come and yes, Jesus did fulfill a lot of the prophesies, but still, He was taking authority away from us, from me, and i wasn't going to go down fighting. He surely couldn't be who He claimed to be... and so i continued to pace back and forth wondering what to do. we had tried to question Him before, but everytime we did, He would quote scripture back at us and the crowds, oh the crowds, they would listen to Him, not us!

i had never felt so weak before. people used to come to me for questions, for prayers. now, they were going to Him! what can i do? what can we do? we needed to trap Him somehow. we had to figure a way to have Him slip up somehow. it shouldn't be too hard, right? i mean, He is only human. He can't stay perfect forever. He's got to have a weak spot or something. He's got to have some flaws we can point out to the people. He was getting to powerful. someone needed to stop Him. what to do? what to do?

and then it hit me. i knew what to do. previously, we would only question him a couple of us at a time and each time He was able to reply. but, maybe if we overwhelmed Him with questions and give it to Him, He wouldn't be ready. this was it! this was the time! since coming into jerusalem two days ago, overthrowing the temple yesterday, today was going to be the longest day of His life. i was going to make sure of it!

and so i rallied the best of the best. the chief priest. the teachers of the law. the elders. my other sadducee friends. and we went to find Him, which wasn't too hard... we just had to follow the crowds. the more we talked as we walked towards Jesus, the more excited i got. we were going to finally show the crowds who was boss. we were coming up with great questions to stump Him. we were going to make a fool of Jesus!

[tuesday night]

i guess things don't always go as planned. that night, i was more discouraged than ever before. we had questioned Jesus authority like no other. we had given Him our best shot, and it was our egos that ended up battered and bruised. it seemed like He was always one step ahead of us. He would answer our questions with ease. and what hurt the most was that He would answer with compassion in His voice, like a father correcting a child, He was full of love. but, there was no love in our questions. we grilled Him for hours, and never once did He slip or fall. and the more we questioned and the more He answered our questions, the more the crowd got excited about Jesus and sided with Him.

there was no hope. all was lost. maybe i should just accept the fact that Jesus really is who He claimed to be. maybe i was too narrow-minded. maybe i was wrong all this time. my wife had told me that she hadn't seen me so angry before. she told me i was turning bitter and cold. why was that? it was probably because of my pride. i couldn't stand losing. i couldn't stand being wrong. Jesus was speaking truth and i, of all people, couldn't handle the truth. guess it was time to finally see Jesus for all He was... i got down on my knees and looked up towards heaven. i hadn't really prayed in such a long time. maybe i should start again now.

but just as i closed my eyes, there was a knock on my door. who could be here at my place at such a late hour? probably just a random passerbyer. but there was a knock again. my wife started to stir from the bed. i better open the door before this person wakes her up. so, i got up from my knees and walked over to the door. opening it, i was shocked to see who was standing there. why was he here? what did he want? i glaced by him. he was alone. he looked nervous, anxious, but not harmful so i opened the door a little more and asked,

"what do you want, judas iscariot?"

this is what playoffs are all about

people were saying that this year's nba playoffs were going to be really fun and exciting. guess what? they were right!

in each of the first games, all the lower seeds either won or had a chance to win with a few minutes left in the game. i didn't get to watch all the games, but here are a couple of thoughts on the games:

- derrick rose. wow! talk about a guy who can get to the rim. he looked unstoppable. took his game to a whole new level.
- can the bulls continue to survive with only rose doing all the work? deng stepped up for a short stretch, but they're gonna need more.
- 76ers need to learn how to play against the zone.
- heat won, but it wasn't an easy win. they need to tighten up that d for all 4 quarters.
- dwight had a huge game, but no one else showed up. okay, jameer for a stretch, but where was everyone else?
- celtics needed a huge defensive game from jermaine o'neal to win. not a good sign.
- how bad is chauncey's injury. if he's out, it won't look good for the knicks.
- let's wait for manu to come back before burying the spurs. still, it was good for the griz to take advantage and get the win.
- lakers need to use their bigs more. they clearly have the size advantage down low.
- cp3 looks like the old cp3. fisher has no chance to stay with him.
- mavs needed 6 kidd 3s to win the game. doesn't bode well for them.
- okc. looking solid.

yay! now this is what playoffs are all about :D

...

fyi: my full post-season picks (la already messed up my first round prediction, but it's okay. we'll see how the rest of the series turns out).

first round:
- chicago in 4
- orlando in 6
- new york in 7
- miami in 6

- san antonio in 6
- okc in 6
- portland in 6
- la in 4

...

conf. semis:
- chicago in 5
- miami in 6

- okc in 5
- portland in 7

...

conf. finals:
- miami in 7
- okc in 6

...

nba finals:
- okc in 7

passion week: monday (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[monday]

they were calling Him Messiah. Savior. Lord. you know what i think about that? bah! i could care less about him. i bet he is just a man trying to get attention. yesterday, there was this huge uproar as this man called Jesus entered into the town. all these people went to see him, but i knew better not to go. why? because the more people went to see him, the better spot i could get setting up my mercahant table at the temple. and the more people went to this parade, i could get more customers which meant more money for me. and more money for me is a very, very good thing... well let me explain to you what i do:

i sell animals… specifically doves. now i know what your thinking? doves? really? how many people want to buy doves? well let me tell you. it is a very lucrative business. you just need to know who your audience is. the jews were required to make sacrifices in the temple courts for forgiveness of their sins. doves were one of the animals they bought for sacrifices. so, they would come and purchase some from me. it was a pretty good living. and of course i could set the prices as high or as low as i wanted.

i wasn't that greedy. i mean, sure, i raised the prices a little during this time, but that is what everyone does. and besides, i need to provide for my family, right? i was just doing business, so there's nothing wrong with that... but something crazy happened today. i had gotten up early and found the perfect spot for my table. right in the entrance of the temple courtyard area. apparently, other people were too tired from yesterday's events. well, their loss. my gain... or so i thought. this man Jesus and his disciples came to the temple today. since i had the best spot, i saw them walking toward the courtyard. at first i thought they wanted to buy something. a sacrifice like everyone else. so i put on my best smile. hey, even though i didn't care for this man they called savior, if i could make some money from him, it would be worth it.

but right when he got to the courtyard, his demeanor changed. he was no longer smiling... now, i'm a pretty big guy and not much scares me, but for some reason i was afraid when Jesus walked right at my table. "w-w-would you like to buy..." i started to asked nervously, but even before i could finish he had turned over my table and threw my bench against my stand. all i could do was stand there is shock. he went from table to table overturning them and yelling, "it is written, My house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers!" ... there was quite a mess of animals freed from their cages, overturned table, and money on the floor.

then, people started bringing the blind and lame into this temple area and i saw amazing things. these blind people were seeing. the lame were walking... no, they were dancing! how could this be? people and children were shouting "hosanna to the Son of David!" but as they were doing this, chief priest came in and were very unhappy. they were mad that the children were calling him savior, but Jesus calmly replied that "have you never read, from the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise?" i didn't know what he was talking about, but i overheard one of the chief priest mention something about Jesus quoting the prophet jeremiah. they started accusing Jesus of being a false prophet... so that's what the big commotion was. Jesus was claiming to be something more than just a man. and he was referring back to old scripture probably trying to prove that he was the Messiah.

after Jesus and his disciples left, i didn't know what to do. my merchant stand was in ruins. my doves flown away. i gathered as much of my stuff as i could salvage and went back home. that night, i lay there trying to sleep, but i couldn't do so. i laid on my back staring at the ceiling... the chief priests couldn't be wrong, right? he surely wasn't the messiah. i mean, he was so angry... and i had done nothing wrong, right? ... i started feeling a little guilty for what i had done in the past, but i quickly pushed those thoughts aside. no, Jesus was just a man. nothing more... ok, maybe a man who could do some magic tricks and "heal" people, but he was surely a fraud. he probably brings this same act from town to town. yes, that must be it! it was all a show. i was a little more satisfied with that answer, so i turned over and closed my eyes. yes, Jesus was just a man. nothing more... nothing more...

but something nagged me the whole night

passion week (re-post)

i wrote this a couple years ago. thought i'd repost it here :D

...

-passion week-

[sunday]

i had a feeling that today was going to be different. i didn't know why, but something just felt different. for some reason there was a buzz around the town. a murmur. then, all of a sudden, it happened. i was helping my father out in the fields when our neighbor ran up to us waiving his hands wildly with a huge smile. he told us that the man they called Jesus was coming into town. people were saying that the was the Messiah. the Savior. some were even calling him Lord! i had never seen my dad move so fast before. he dropped the plow right where he was and started running towards the city gate. i followed behind, confused at what was going on.

as we approached the city, we found that we weren't the only one's who had heard that Jesus was coming into town. the streets were packed with people trying to see the one whom they called Messiah. some were angry. muttering that He wasn’t who He said He was. that he was blaspheming God. others confused. who was this person? still other, simply curious like i was.

i pushed my way to the front of the crowd and saw something i had never seen before. people had cut down palm branches from the side of the road and were waving them and shouting "hosanna to the Son of David! blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! hosanna in the highest!" other peoples were laying their cloaks and palm branches on the road making a path. as these people passed me by i looked toward the gate and saw these men smiling, obviously very happy. they were big men, probably fishermen, which was something funny to me because i had always thought fishermen were these rugged people. but here, they were smiling.

then i saw Him. i knew who He was right away. something was different about Him. it wasn't just the fact that He was the only one riding on a little colt, but there was something i saw in His eyes. and then the weirdest thing happened to me. He looked at me and smiled. at that moment, my knees buckled and i fell to my knees, face to the ground. He was more than just a prophet that people were saying. i started crying and worshipping God from the bottom of my heart because at that moment, i experienced His love like never before. i quickly got up from the ground grabbed a palm branch from the ground and ran ahead with the others praising God. He was here! our Savior! the Messiah! Lord!

this was going to be the best week of my life! nothing was going to go wrong. how could it? ... right?